Something smells, and this time it's not me.

I live on the top floor of a four-floor walk up. It's a narrow hallway up with poor ventilation, no air conditioning, and windows that don't open. If you decide to leave such items as recycling, sports equipment, or garbage, the odours can quickly accumulate. This is currently the case.

Now, I'm generally someone who avoids conflict whenever possible. I do, however, feel that it's important to take a stand when necessary. At the moment, I feel this is such an occasion. A couple of days of garbage smells would normally not be anything to turn your nose up (pun fully intended), but the summer heat has rapidly accelerated the rate of decomposition causing truly repugnant olfactory offense. The perpetrators are the third floor tenants and so I am required to pass up and down their trash pile several times a day. Though I try to hold my breath, it ultimately results in me dry heaving for at least a couple of minutes. These tenants are also new to the building so perhaps they are not aware of the etiquette as of yet. In any case, my roommates and I have come to the decision that something needs to be done. This something, is a note.

Unfortunately, I was out voted. My roommates have opted for the traditional "please take out your garbage -thanks" style where I would prefer something much more...amusing. Below is the note I drafted.

Dear Third Floor,

I hope this letter reaches you before it is too late.

As you may already be aware, the situation in this apartment building has become dire. Toxic garbage fumes have been seeping into our air supply for the past several days. The severity of these fumes has increased exponentially with the recent rise in temperature.

Some of us have choked and gagged while others still have developed strange powers. We have yet too realize the extent of these powers. We have yet to decide if we shall use them for good or for evil; for justice or for vengeance.

Should you choose to act, it would be best to remove the toxic garbage from the building before sides are chosen. Perhaps it will reverse the effects. Perhaps there is still time for us all.

Take heed of this warning. God speed, third floor.

I would ALWAYS prefer a letter like this. How about you?